EU News :)
Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish
(Euro for short).
first year, "s" will be used
instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,
hard "c" will be replaced with
"k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f".
This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent
"e"s in the languag is
disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by z" and "w" by " v".
fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer,
ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
Ze drem vil finali
How To Write
1. Avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.
Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.